The Coin - Chapter Five notes

When I conceived of this chapter, I thought this part with Mori and Arakawa would only be half, where the promised confrontation with Asakura would make up the rest. As this part grew longer and longer, however, I realized there was no good way to connect the two parts thematically, and I decided to make this passage work on its own. I admit that, going into the writing of it, I was a bit at a loss for what could connect Mori and Haruhi, for the message that should come across in this chapter.

I was still struggling with that point when I made it to the closed space scene, and I realized that that was a natural time for Haruhi to remember when she’d been in that place before—with Kyon at the end of Melancholy. This gave me an opportunity to confront Haruhi’s feelings for Kyon, which to that point had been very oblique. Haruhi had admitted nothing, even though we saw clearly what she wanted. In that, I think Haruhi has a dichotomy, or at least I’m writing her like she does. There are some things Haruhi can be unabashedly straightforward about. Perhaps that description should extend to most things, but in my mind, the only consistent description of Haruhi’s feelings for Kyon, with everything before already written, was one of tacit acceptance yet refusal to act. It troubled me somewhat to do this without really planning it very far in advance, but I felt it was the best direction to take, given what I had.

And, in doing so, it gave me an angle to draw parallels between Haruhi and Mori, and parallels are something I like to stress in my work: look at Echoes and how Imi’s powers mirrored Rockman’s, look at Identity and how Kohl and Tilaka mirror Ranma and Akane in importance to each other (though the dynamics of those relationships are very different). I find the psychology of people, of how they justify their actions and sometimes deceive themselves, very attractive to study. Perhaps I find it too attractive, thinking people will convince themselves of things that are too outlandish to be seriously considered. That was a major problem with the first draft of chapter four. But here, I think this is relatively straightforward and not unexpected. Having Haruhi convince herself she’s fine with whoever Kyon wants or is close to him is a step up from being jealous at slight provocations. Having Mori tell herself that this it’s a wonderful experience being an esper when it’s nothing she really wanted is understandable. I only regret that I couldn’t show more of that here.

Arakawa Seijio pointed out that the ending of last chapter didn’t really give a clear idea what would come next, and as a result, we’re not certain what Haruhi’s motives are—at least, outside a very, very general statement of intent—until she goes to Asakura at the end of this chapter. On the one hand, I definitely understand the confusion, and as I told him, some of the weakness on that front may stem from splitting this chapter in two. In doing so, the sense of conclusion from Haruhi having confronted both Mori and Asakura, the people who manipulated her, is delayed. I admit that I felt the ending of four would’ve been too weak if we got to Mori’s theater and just ended there. In hindsight, I may change that, but I don’t think I will now, while people who have already read four may be confused.

If I had better background in international theater, I would’ve tried to do something to start this chapter using, for example, Nō, as is mentioned, but I really just don’t know enough about Japanese stage to do that convincingly, or at least not to the level of knowledge and confidence that I’d want. The Crucible is something I at least have familiarity with, and the role of Abigail Williams just jumped out at me for Mori. It also builds on the theme of acting and deception. How Abigail fools the court at the witch trials is so very much like Mori’s performance for Haruhi at the station. It’s theatrical, and it’s done with full knowledge of the act being committed.

After the monstrous deed Mori did, intimidating Haruhi, I wanted to paint this woman as sympathetic but still not someone we can completely accept. Where others in the esper community are frightened by Haruhi’s power (see how Arakawa immediately says that Mori should apologize?), Mori isn’t. Mori, I think, only fears for the consequences that may result. And while Mori’s method depended on Haruhi being a fundamentally good person (which is something I wanted to emphasize), it still misses that in the end, Mori didn’t trust Haruhi enough to tell her the truth (or think that she’d be believed). That’s why this doesn’t turn into a blithe love-fest. There can be only…an uneasy respect, a mix of compassion and guilt and wariness on the part of Haruhi.

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The Coin - Chapter Four notes

This is not, I must confess, anything like the first version of the chapter I envisioned. That version was done about two weeks ago and, thankfully, I had the benefit of fellow authors to tell me that it was, in short, a colossal blunder. While I've tried to exercise due caution regarding taking others' opinions too seriously, I've also endeavored to take those criticisms seriously and reconsider what kind of story The Coin would become.

Without getting too much into specific details (as the events that I have planned for the future are still largely the same, though their interpretation and meaning have changed), I had in mind a story about Haruhi realizing that all along she'd been searching for fellow believers like herself more than aliens, time-travelers, or espers themselves. Haruhi would've become isolated from the rest of the brigade in a prison of her own making, so to speak. She'd convince herself (and not without reason) that the people around her she didn't really know and, most egregiously, that they were people who didn't share her vision and, hence, weren't really friends to her at all. To some extent, I think there are elements there I can still use, but the path I had Haruhi working toward--as was pointed out to me and that I understand now--was one just too far off the deep end to make the story work.

Ironically, that's a story that might actually work had it been told, say, from Kyon's perspective. In a tale where Haruhi is more opaque and subject to interpretation, Kyon's narration and attempts to understand her would serve as a mouthpiece for the author's interpretation and ability to give context. When Haruhi herself is the narrator, though, everything said about her motivations and feelings has to be regarded as unreliable and subject to immense bias. Indeed, this is a technique I like quite a bit, for I feel it gives a great deal of depth. A lot of what I've written Haruhi to think and do contains that subtext--a dissonance between what she says her actions mean and what the audience should understand they really signify. That said, there's a big problem if that subtext is too subtle or dwarfed by the actual text. That's a mistake I think I've committed. I gave Haruhi many chances to, for example, cover up her feelings for Kyon, but without some admission that she actually thinks positively of him (and not in some backhanded way), all that subtext had nothing to feed upon.

But let me not dwell too much on what won't be. Let's talk about what is. One of the things I definitely wanted to avoid with this chapter, having so many facts revealed to Haruhi, was the dreaded infodump. Hence, the cafe scene is largely glossed over, with only glimpses of the conversation in detail. I felt this was the best balance of things, as this scene really isn't the focus of the story. It's what Haruhi does with the knowledge that will come into play. Hence, while she will inevitably refer to what she learned there frequently, the natural flow of information is for Haruhi to confront what she's learned and explain why she's confronting it, rather than to do a huge bout of exposition and see what sticks.

Of course, a good bit of this chapter depends on things getting spaced out, on sequencing and timing. Tsuruya's timing in interrupting Kyon and Haruhi is what drives the limousine section of this chapter, and while I like it quite a bit, it would be wrong not to recognize that there is a plot device being used there to drive the story, as opposed to characterization or goals. I consider this acceptable in the sense that it only changes the dramatic nature of how Haruhi is being told instead of what and why, but it still needs to be considered.

Then there's the matter of Tsuruya herself. I struggled for a bit to find Tsuruya, just as I've struggled to find Haruhi because they are so different from the norm. Ironically, while Haruhi can be a source of comic relief and embarrassment from Kyon's point of view, I thought it would be apropos for Tsuruya to be the same from Haruhi's point of view, though clearly not to the same extent.

Nevertheless, though Kyon and the brigade spill the beans here, there are lingering questions. How long would the have kept things under wraps had Haruhi not discovered her powers? Would they ever have told her? If there had been no danger from Asakura? These are big points of contention to me, and while Kyon has no choice but to express considerable faith in Haruhi--faith, I think, he really does have--the question still remains. Personally, I think without some inciting event, the status quo would've held and it would've been quite a while before Haruhi learned anything about who she was or what she could do or what the other brigade members were. And that's a point that can't be avoided. And while the brigade may have trust in Haruhi, there is some aspect of that that's forced. It's the only good thing for them to say. It may be genuine on Kyon's part. As for the others, I think their feelings are more complex. Koizumi has genuine insight into Haruhi's state of mind, but he's also done the most to keep her mindset tame and stable through manipulation. Asahina takes her orders from the future. Nagato has the most freedom thanks to the threat of Haruhi's powers keeping her safe, but remember Disappearance. She didn't just renovate people's memories. She actively tried to push Haruhi away from Kyon.

But, for the moment, Haruhi's journey of discovery doesn't pertain to any of them or to Kyon. Her goal is to make a statement to old enemies, and that she shall.

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