Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Identity rewrite notes - Chapter Five: "Promises"

I posted this chapter quite a while ago and meant to write up notes for it. Oops.

Compared to the original version, I trimmed the whole journey to Dōtonbori considerably. Konatsu is no longer present. It’s more focused on just Ukyō and her father. This is important to me; I felt Ukyō didn’t get enough focus in the latter half of book 1 in the original version, and her relationship with her father is something I want to keep touching upon.

Some details are slightly different. Ukyō is on better terms with her father here. She hasn’t ignored his letters. That makes the conflict over why she’s refused to come work with him something they’re both already aware of and can confront.

The scenes taking place in the Amazon camp are expanded. The battle scene in particular, in which Akane is lost, was just a short prelude scene in the original version, where here it’s a big freakin’ battle that goes all the way up the mountain. Expanding on how and why the springs erupt was a big goal of this fleshing out, and I hope it seems more reasonable and logical here.

This also gave me the opportunity to investigate Akane and Ukyō’s relationship. They are generally on good terms, in part because of Ukyō’s promise.

As part of trimming Ranma and Ukyō’s rooftop discussion (which was part of the original version), I had Ukyō visit Ranma after the fight with Shampoo instead, in this flashback. This resulted in moving forward her promise to him compared to the original version (where that took place at her shop). It seemed the most natural time, however.

Another scene in which Ukyō had searched for Akane in the flooded springs that was present in the original was cut.

Unlike the original, Ukyō learns of Ryōga’s curse here. Given the circumstances, I felt it was simply unavoidable that she would learn of it, and while she may consider keeping that to herself, I think the conflict she faces in whether to reveal it immediately and jeopardize Ryōga’s chances with Akane or keep it secret and be complicit in the lie opens up opportunities to develop her character.

Better developing Ukyō’s character in future chapters is a major goal of the rewrite. I hope this will be just the beginning of doing that.

No comments: